Leading in ‘Red Stilettos’ in a Tough Runway: Inspiring Women Leaders to Conquer Self-Doubt

Leadership is not always about being liked, it is about doing what is right, with integrity and heart, even when it is uncomfortable or unpopular. And if you’re a woman in leadership, the burden often feels twice as heavy. Over the years, I’ve learned that being a female leader means making tough decisions, standing your ground, and sometimes, being misunderstood. And you know what? I’m grateful for every person who doubted me, criticized me, or even tried to tear me down. You only made me stronger and sharper.

When I was younger, I used to react quickly, feeling like I had to prove myself all the time. I was eager to defend my decisions and justify my actions, convinced that being right meant being respected. But now? If you tell me the sunflower is red, I’ll simply smile and let you have your bouquet of red sunflowers. I’ve learned to choose my battles. Not every argument is worth my energy. Actually, I learned that ‘chill vibe’ from my boss Mr. RGF. Experience has taught me that real power lies in composure, and real wisdom is knowing when silence speaks louder than words. Sabe nga ni Dr. Dem, “If you CAN do something about it why worry? If you CANNOT do something about it, why worry? Makes a lot of sense, right?

To the women leaders out there who are sometimes labeled as “mean” or “strict” just for doing their jobs, know this: “Girl, you are not being cruel, you are being fair”. And one day, the people who misjudged you will understand that. You know that heartwarming (and slightly hilarious) moment when a former staff member, now a big shot leader, visits you and gives you the tightest hug—like they’re trying to crush all the stress they once gave you? Then, with glassy eyes, they say, “Alam mo, Ms. Ceej, thankful po ako sa lahat ng pangaral mo noon. Sorry po sa stress na binigay ko sa inyo. Ngayon ko lang narealize kung gaano ako ka-grateful sa inyo, ma’am.” And you’re just standing there, trying to keep it together, thinking: “Aba, dati deadma sa pangaral ko, ngayon may ‘ma’am’ na at may hugging privileges pa”? But deep down, your heart melts because you know you didn’t just train employees—you helped shape future leaders. And while they made you want to pull your hair out back then, seeing them thrive makes it all worth it. Thank you, LORD! I call that sweet success. Setting boundaries and enforcing rules doesn’t make you heartless, it makes you effective. When you hold people accountable, it’s not personal—it’s professional. But as women, we often carry the extra weight of being seen as “masungit” or “bossy,” simply because we refuse to let standards slide. Still, we carry on, knowing that fairness, consistency, and accountability are the stamps of true leadership.

Being part of top management, especially in the hotel industry, is no easy position. We bear a heavy load. We’re questioned, sometimes subtly, sometimes openly about whether we can survive in this dogeat-dog arena. We are “roasted” by our bosses when targets aren’t met. We are challenged by subordinates who don’t understand the weight of our decisions. We fight to keep our teams motivated while meeting the ever-demanding expectations of guests. Our role is far from simple. It demands sharpness, patience, and grace under pressure (in fairness sa last consistent ako), qualities that are not always recognized but are essential for success.

And beyond the meeting room, many of us juggle the equally demanding responsibilities of motherhood and family life. Balancing a career with motherhood is not for the faint of heart, it requires magical acts of time management, emotional resilience, and solid commitment. The world may see us as puttogether and composed, but inside, we are sometimes running on fumes, keeping it all together with tired minds and full hearts. And yet, we persist. Because we are not just leading teams, we are shaping futures, raising families, and breaking glass ceilings, all in one panting breath.

5 Practical Tips for Women Leaders to Stay Feisty while Leading with Heart and Grace

Through my years in leadership, I’ve learned valuable lessons that have helped me thrive as a female leader while balancing my personal life, isama mo na ang travels ko jan sissy. Here are five practical tips I want to share with women who are navigating leadership in their red stilettos:

1. Stand Your Ground with Charm

As a female leader, there will be moments when you are questioned or undermined. Stand firm in your decisions, but do so with grace. Confidence without arrogance is a powerful blend. When delivering difficult feedback or making unpopular calls, be clear, direct, and calm. Remember, your firmness does not need to be accompanied by aggression. Grace under pressure earns respect, even from your harshest critics. In hotel management, standing your ground might mean holding team members accountable for subpar performance or insisting on guest satisfaction standards, even when it makes you unpopular. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. Your consistency (with an element of charm) will eventually earn you respect, even if it takes time.

2. Choose Your Battles Artfully

Not every situation requires a reaction kasi deadma lang talaga minsan girl. Learn to distinguish between issues that ‘deserve’ your energy and those that ‘do not’. If someone wants to believe the sunflower is red, let them. Do not waste your precious time and peace on arguments that lead nowhere, that is a total waste of your precious energy. In hotel operations, this means knowing when to engage and when to let things go. If a guest insists their coffee is cold when it’s clearly hot, smile and offer a fresh steaming cup of coffee. Your goal isn’t to win a debate, it’s to create a memorable experience. In leadership, sometimes winning means letting go while taking a deep breath.

3. Prioritize People, Not Just Methods (you need a ‘human’ heart here)

In hospitality, we deal with people, guests, employees, and the business as a whole. Methods, processes and protocols are vital, but never at the expense of human connection. Being a female leader means leading with both head and heart. It means checking in on your staff, understanding their struggles, laughing and crying with them, in short, leading with empathy, not just authority or power tripping (naku madami ganyan). At the same time, it also means holding people accountable. You can be kind and firm. For example, if an employee consistently underperforms, approach the situation with compassion but firmness. Listen to their concerns but remain clear on your expectations. Leadership is about balancing empathy with accountability. Do not be confused with that.

4. Learn how to Set Boundaries, Protect Your Energy and Mental Health.

As women, we often feel the need to be everything to everyone (tell me about it), to be the perfect boss, the perfect mom, the perfect partner. But spreading yourself too thin will only lead to burnout. Set clear boundaries. Learn to say NO to unnecessary demands. As a ‘ bit known’ female GM in the city, I am fortunate to be invited to various events and talks. However, I’ve learned to be mindful of my time and energy, so I carefully choose the ones where I feel I can add value or gain meaningful insights. When I feel I may not be the right fit, I respectfully decline. These days, it is important to learn how to protect your time and energy by being intentional with where you invest it. In hotel management, boundaries might mean delegating tasks instead of micromanaging, or trusting your team to handle certain decisions. It might mean unplugging after work hours to be present with your family, for me cooking is my love language. You can’t lead effectively if you’re constantly running on empty (hhhmmm, ponder on that).

5. Lead by Example with Solid Integrity

The most powerful form of leadership is leading by example. Model the values you expect from your team. Demonstrate professionalism, PUNCTUALITY, and dedication. Be the kind of leader you would want to follow. In hotel operations, this means being hands-on when needed. Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty, whether it’s assisting during a busy breakfast shift or personally handling a guest complaint. When your team sees that you are willing to step in, they will respect you more. Integrity, consistency, and humility will always set you apart.

Resilient, Tough, and Compassionate – The Essence of Female Leadership

To all the women out there leading in their red stilettos—whether you’re running boardrooms, managing teams or building territories, remember this: You are allowed to be both tough and kind, firm and graceful, assertive and compassionate. Your leadership doesn’t have to fit into a traditional mold, it simply needs to be authentic.

So, the next time you are questioned, doubted, or misunderstood, walk taller in those red stilettos. Carry your grace and grit with pride. Keep making bold decisions. Keep raising standards. And most importantly, keep leading with heart ala Ms. Universe Pia.

Because at the end of the day, leadership is not about being liked, it’s about being respected. And while respect may take time, a lot of time actually, it is always worth it. #worththewait

Happy Women’s Month to all the resilient, tough, and compassionate women leaders out there. Keep crushing hurdles. Keep inspiring. Keep walking tall—in your glowing ‘red stilettos’.

NOTE:

One cute secret? Whenever I’m feeling weak, I swipe on my boldest Ruby Red MAC lipstick and slip into a pair of red stilettos, I call that instant power boost! I actually have three pairs, you know, just in case I need extra strength to conquer the day.