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The Indian Invasion

In a far-away town, Mayor Bitong Bigote just filed his Certificate of Candidacy (CoC), hoping to be re-elected. He is famous for his long bushy mustache. According to him, it is a symbol of his masculinity, power, and influence. This is the reason why he is very successful in improving the town with his numerous projects during his term. Actually, he says that he is useless without it. It is akin to Samson’s hair, which is the source of his power, yet when it was secretly trimmed by Delilah, the former lost his strength.

On the last day for filing of CoCs with the local Comelec, a known thug on the streets, Bitong Sayote, also filed his CoC for Mayor. Mayor Bitong Bigote immediately filed with the Comelec a petition to disqualify Bitong Sayote for being a nuisance candidate. The mayor claims that Bitong Sayote’s real name is in fact Pepong Lepong, and he lives at the outskirts of town, near the sayote plantation – a marsh land, belonging to another person. Furthermore, Bitong Bigote says that Bitong Sayote is merely causing trouble by putting the election process into a mockery to prevent the determination of the true will of the electorate by using the similarity of their names as a tool to confuse the voters and must therefore be disqualified. Besides, says Mayor Bitong Bigote, Bitong sayote is an unemployed man, always seen along the filthy, dark side of town, slinking in a corner of low resort and thus is incapable to wage a campaign for elective office.

Mayor Bitong Bigote, in reality is really very afraid because, at the last minute, on the last day for the filing of CoCs, the load shark (the one who lends, cell phone loads), Rakeshi Ganeshi , Jr., filed his CoC, also for Mayor. Rakeshi Ganeshi, Jr., who was born out of wedlock, is the son of Maria Paquita Enriquita, the manicurist in a salon situated near the untidy and wet market place. Rekeshi’s father is Rakeshi Ganeshi, Sr., the Indian national who lends out money to street people and who was recently assassinated for unknown reasons– whose violent murder remains unsolved. Although Rakeshi Ganeshi, Jr.’s citizenship is questionable because he is running for an elective office, this story is reserved for another topic.

While anxiously waiting for the decision of the disqualification case, and after taking a handful of melatonin, Mayor Bitong Bigote could not sleep, and even if he could, he is disturbed by bouts of sudden awful nightmares where he sees Rakeshi Ganeshi, Jr., successfully invading his position. In his perturbed thoughts, if Bitong Sayote is not disqualified, the votes intended for him may be counted in Bitong Sayote’s favor and Rakeshi Ganeshi, Jr. might just emerge as the new mayor of the town.

True enough, his most dreaded premonition, comes to life. The results of the elections were as follows:

NamePositionNumber of Votes
Bitong BigoteMayor4,347
Bitong SayoteMayor133
Rakeshi Ganeshi, JrMayor4,441

As Rakeshi Ganeshi, Jr. prepares to have his oath taking and victory celebrations, Mayor Bitong Bigote has gone out of his mind. He storms the local Comelec office to complain, bringing with him dozens of supporters. The acting election officer temporarily assigned therein, (as he was recently re-assigned in that far away, forsaken town, for committing misconduct) panics and immediately calls up his supervisor.

Are the votes obtained by Bitong sayote, the true votes for Mayor Bitong Bigote? If Bitong Sayote is thereafter declared a nuisance candidate, will the votes obtained by him be considered valid votes or stray votes? What is the legal remedy of Mayor Bitong Bigote, who is desperate because he recently found out (which is so sad on his part), that his mustache has lost its charm, effect and power? Find out on Election Day at our Morning Balitaktakan segment at 9:00’ 0 clock in the morning on October 22, 2021 at Regional News Group Luzon.

**Apologies. In last week’s article, the campaign period stated therein should have stated year 2022 and not year 2021. Thank you.

***Opinion/s or comment/s mentioned in this article are made by me in my personal capacity as a lawyer and not as an employee of the Comelec.

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