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The Nightmare Before Elections

As we all know, Mayor Bitong Bigote was able to retake his position as Mayor of the far away, forsaken town because Bitong Sayote was later declared as a nuisance candidate. Pursuant to the decision of the Supreme Court, the votes obtained by the nuisance candidate must be credited to the votes of the legitimate candidate who was prejudiced because of the similarity of their names which has caused confusion. Mayor Bitong Bigote finally shaved his broad and bumpy chin clean, owing such characteristic from his acne prone pores in his teenage years, as he no longer believed in his mustache as a source of his power and influence. The position of Mayor was granted to him, albeit in a short time of three months. The time remaining in Rakeshi Ganeshi’s term, who took over as Mayor because he was leading in the polls while Mayor Bitong Bigote and Bitong Sayote fought it out on the disqualification case which finally declared Bitong Sayote a nuisance candidate.

Mayor Bitong Bigote finally slept soundly for he knew in his heart that he was the choice of the voters and after all, even if he no longer has any mustache, he still could wield power and influence. Still, the people believed in him, he thought, even perhaps if they knew that he had concealed past sins.

As expected, in the next elections, Mayor Bitong Bigote filed his certificate of candidacy (CoC), for Mayor as this was his third and final term. Rakeshi Ganeshi, Jr. (Rakeshi), son out of wedlock of parents coming from the wet market place, also a contender for Mayor, filed a petition to disqualify the incumbent Mayor, Bitong Bigote on account of a deliberate misrepresentation in the latter’s CoC.

According to Rakeshi, Mayor Bitong Bigote was previously convicted for the crime of Robbery in the 1970s and that he has not yet served his sentence. In astonishment, and with utmost efforts to look innocent, Mayor Bitong Bigote admitted to his conviction but said that the Court already granted him probation. While the disqualification case was pending, unlike before, Mayor Bitong Bigote hurdled the electoral event like a swift wave of stench coming from the depths of an old, abandoned, underground sewage, where he emerged as winner and was proclaimed with accompanying festivity and merriment along the plaza grounds.

Upon assumption into office, Mayor Bitong Bigote went about with his usual ‘performance- of- tasks routine’ as executive head. But as the days dragged on, questions about his legitimacy in the office continue to hound him. What would have been a night’s rest for an ordinary person would not be the same for him. He stayed awake all the time when dusk begins to settle in. He would look out the window and would see eye- shaped shadows, dancing under the moon-lit night, whispering to him the words…”Guilty… guilty.” The handful of melatonin could not do its job, even the fetid herbs given by Justa, the mambunong, known to make predictions on who will win the elections and caster of evil spells, failed to give him just even a small wink of rest.

One day, Rakehshi chanced upon him in a town affair. Rakeshi climbed to the podium near the Mayor and in a fit of pure rage, shouted to the top of his voice saying: “Listen all townsfolk, as I play this recording from my cell phone!” As we all know, Rakeshi is a loadshark, he lends cell phone loads to all kinds of people in the market, just like his father, whose cold murder, unsolved up to this day, is a kind of businessman who pry on the dire needs of the oppressed. As every voter heard the recording from Rakeshi’s cell phone, all of them fell into silence as Mayor Bitong Bigote shrunk into a mere scrap of shame, darkness and despair. The recording mentioned the robbery case and that he is perpetually barred to run for public office. The Mayor ran out of the crowd and never returned to his office. The next day, he offered his resignation. Mayor Bitong Bigote later claimed that the case against him has already become moot since he already resigned from office.

Is Mayor Bitong Bigote correct? Can he still wield power and influence now with a bumpy chin with exposed and enlarged pores? Will resignation cure the mistake that he has done in the past and nullify, once and for all, the accessory penalty of perpetual disqualification to hold public office? What are his chances of getting elected in the next elections? Is this after all, a nightmare before elections? Find out on Election Day, at 9:00 o’clock in the morning, on Friday, October 29, 2021 at Morning Balitaktakan on Regional News Group Luzon. Happy Halloween to everyone.

***Comments/opinions in this article are made by me in my personal capacity as a lawyer and not as an employee of the COMELEC.

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